How to Survive when Love Dies

Breaking up is hard to so but you can survive divorce or the end of a romance if you recognize the 10 steps that everyone goes through when a relationship dies, an expert says. Here are the steps:

“I can’t believe this is happening”
In the beginning of a love affair we all think we are going to live happily ever after. So when fears arise that your relationship is ending, you deny them. But eventually you must face facts: One out of two marriages ends in divorce and countless romances break up everyday.
“You can’t do this to me”
You’re hurt and feel like a victim because the other person wants out and you desperately want to keep the relationship going. But there’s no point in holding on if your partner wants to split up.
“I’ll do anything, just to say ir isn’t so.”
At this point you become frightened and try to bargain to keep the relationship going. Deep down you know it’s over but you’re afraid to admit it.
“I’ll never stop crying”
When you realize the love affair is over, you’re flooded by grief and sorrow. You mourn the love you’ve lost and fear you’ll never be happy again. Remember, time really does heal all wounds.
“It’s really over”
You’re suddenly struck with an insight of dazzling clarity that there’s no way to salvage the marriage or romance. Now you can begin to feel better.
“It’s all your fault”
Often the phase that follows sorrow is anger. You blame the one who hurt you. Lashing out is a natural feeling, but it passes when each partner realizes break up is nobody’s fault.
“Did I want to break up?”
Surprisingly, the person who asked to end it often has second thoughts. He or she remembers the good times and wonders if separating is a mistake. And you, the jilted lover, will question whether you’re secretly glad the relationship is over.
“I’m not myself anymore”
When a relationship ends you have to define yourself in a new way. You’re not a wife or husband, boyfriend or girlfriend anymore. At this point you’re unsure of yourself but begin to shape a new identity.
“The old me is back”
Suddenly you realize how much of yourself you sacrificed in the relationship. You become an individual again. You devote more time to yourself, resume old hobbies and activities, start exercising or go back to school.
“The door to my heart is closed.”
In this last stage, you stop thinking of the person you once loved with longing, regret or anger. You think of them simply as someone you knew during a period of your life. You may still be friends but you’re not lovers anymore. At last you’re ready to get on with your life.

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Comments

3 comments to “How to Survive when Love Dies”

Satyanarayan Mohapatra on September 1st, 2007 6:07 pm

Nice article.Plain Truth.E.mailing this to my relative.Each and every one passing the phase must feel how much truth coincides with this aarticle.
Mary May on September 2nd, 2007 12:01 am

I was with someone for 30 years. Decided to leave, but we still saw each other ocassionally. he got killed and now I’m all alone and don’t know how to cope.How do you go on is what I want to know.? IT’s been over a year.
mrbjax on July 25th, 2008 5:19 pm

I adored my husband of over 20 years when I caught him leaving town with another woman. The hateful things he said to me that day told me that what I witnessed was true. He betrayed me and has continued to lie and trick me into believing that there is hope when he is with her and her family all the time. My children and I hurt and long for him but he said he was being selfish and did not care who he hurt. The pain inflicted on me and my children has been horrific. How we are to survive we do not know. We finally had to get counseling and I pray that it will help my children most especially. God Bless and may know one else in this world ever have to feel the pain we have to endure everyday.